So Wayne the Miniature Schnauzer is dead. It doesn’t matter how it happened. All that matters now is that you send him off in style and if a backyard burial just ain’t going to cut it, there are pet funeral options aplenty. If you’re a traditionalist, you could engrave a pewter urn and bury Wayne in a pet cemetery, with a ceremony in due course. The cemetery also lets you take home a lock of his fur or a framed paw print.
Bling more your style? You can have Wayne’s ashes turned into a glass sun-catcher, and he can light up your life forever.
Or how about a diamond? There are companies out there that will literally transform your treasured pet into treasure… for $US3000.
If you can stomach it, there’s always freeze-drying. A Mini Schnauzer takes up to 18 weeks to be thoroughly desiccated. Then you can pop the little chap on your mantelpiece or take him out on Weekend At Bernie's-style jaunts.
We personally like the idea of turning Wayne into an artificial reef. His ashes would be mixed with cement, then lowered into the ocean to become marine habitat. You can even get the coordinates so you can head out there in your tinny for a spot of fishing.
What's that? Off to find the shovel, you say?