Not to alarm you, but Father’s Day is just around the corner. Here’s what we’re getting our old men this year, to stave off another 12 months of parental disappointment. (And to show them we care, of course.)
(Clockwise from top left)
1. Anzac Day might be seven months away, but we think these biscuits are good enough to be eaten all year round. We also think your dad will appreciate the fact you bothered to hand-make him something for once in your life.
2. When is hot chocolate not a kids’ drink? When it’s made from 70 per cent dark-roasted cocoa and has notes of stone fruit and almonds. Mörk is for the dad who doesn’t mind treating himself.
3. The only thing dads love more than a good map is a little military history. Where Are Our Boys?, a book chronicling the cartographical boom of WWI, is the perfect twofer.
4. Chopping firewood is only half the job – you still have to move it all from your chopping station to your fireplace. This canvas log carrier from Homecamp and All the Kings Men will keep you – and your house – free of splinters and debris.
5. We have it on good authority that your old man enjoys a good read. At under $50 for a year’s worth of mags, a 12-month Smith Journal subscription is the gift that keeps on giving. (If we do say so ourselves.)
6. Starward Whisky isn’t made near any bubbling brooks or craggy fields – it’s distilled in a disused Qantas shed in Melbourne’s Essendon Airport. No matter; it tastes great, and at around $80 a bottle, the price is right.
7. If you’re going to bother with a card, you might as well get one that’s actually funny. This is the Star Wars parody card you’re looking for.
8. This ring-shaped bike bell from Knog, which sounds like a glockenspiel when struck, is proof that you can practise safe cycling without looking like a dorkus malorkus.
9. If your dad ever uses cologne, or shaves, or brushes his teeth, chances are he needs somewhere to store his toiletries. Crumpler's water-resistant washroom pouch will do nicely.
10. Let’s face it: Dad always gets lumped with walking the dog, so he may as well have a nice canvas lead from Lavish Tails to do it with. Handcrafted in Brooklyn. Of course.
(Clockwise from top left)
1. Fargo has been one of the most gripping, darkly funny crime stories to make us say “Aw jeez” in recent yeas. These DVD sets for seasons one and two are ideal for dads who don’t know how to work Netflix.
2. Dads will put chutney on pretty much anything, so they might as well use the good stuff. Eat Me Chutneys are made from “rescued produce” (i.e. weird-looking fruit and veggies that were going to be thrown away), but they taste so [bellissimo emoji] you can hardly tell.
3. Think of this as the Swiss Army Knife of tools – but with even more add-ons. The Leatherman comes with pliers, scissors, a metal file, a screwdriver, and everything else your cheapest handyman needs to fix your place up next time he visits.
4. Can’t decide between that new craft beer and the old tried-and-tested? Why not get both? Coopers’ 2016 Extra Strong Vintage Ale is smack bang in the middle of the Venn diagram between novel and familiar. And if you get a whole slab, he might just share some with you.
5. This cast iron jaffle maker from Aussie Disposals is big enough to make two jaffles at once, making dad (and whoever else he’s cooking for) a happy camper.
6. Membership to the Bruny Island Cheese Club will ensure a year’s worth of the good stuff is delivered to your dad’s door every few weeks. Perfect for anyone with taste buds and an ability to digest lactose.
7. Horrible Words by Rebecca Gowers is three things: 1) a guide to the most reviled words in English; 2) a defence of speaking badly; and 3) a great toilet read for people too old to rely on social media.
8. If your old man ever entertained you by doing silly walks or impersonating a very lisp-y Pontius Pilate, he might just appreciate this limited edition Monty Python screen print.
9. If you think Anzac bikkies are a tad basic, you could up the epicurean ante by baking this black sesame chocolate cake recipe. It tastes delicious, and you can rest easy knowing that no one else is going to get him the same thing.